A Lesson Learned!

Let me tell you. It is pretty difficult to not know what we will be doing come October. The closer it gets, I find the more anxiety I have. I have been praying for God's direction. I had been determined that we, as a family, would enter the mission field, go abroad... Rob has other plans. He wants to buy land somewhere, start a farm and apparently settle down.

So as you can imagine, we were silently battling it out to see who would win! Not real fighting or even talking about it, but just holding on to our wants and see whose idea God will choose, if you will.

God has been teaching me lately. I pray I am learning what it is He is teaching me. Instead of going out into the exotic mission field, I have a mission in my own home! My children are my ministry. Who they grow up to be, how they turn out, will they choose God and serve Him and ultimately be in heaven with their Savior? The way they treat people, their reactions to unpleasant situations, how they act when no one else is looking. These are the things God has for me right now. Honestly, I don't know where to begin to start with all the habits they attained that are not appealing. But God has promised to help. Brody and Jovie are His children. He has given Rob and I the responsibility to train them for His service. Yikes! But, again, God has promised to help. I pray for His presence to be near me, right next to me, as near as He can get(!) when I am dealing  with situations, when I am talking with them, when I am loving on them! All the time!

In a sense, I was looking for a promotion. I was wanting a bigger work.

I have also discovered that I am expecting blessings from God. What am I doing that I should blessed? A true prayer I have prayed is, "God give us property, please." Selfish. Is my heart truly seeking to do God's work with this property I am expecting Him to give us? Honestly, no. I might be painting pretty pictures around it to make it look that way and tricking myself to believe it, but I can see myself receiving the gift and not doing my part. That pains me.

This morning I was reading in a little book that Dean Lou (Fitting) gave to Rob called Help in Daily Living by EGW. This is a spectacular book! On page 16 it says, "Seekest thou great things for thyself? seek them not." Jeremiah 45:5. The Lord has no place in His work for those who have a greater desire to win the crown than to bear the cross. He wants men who are more intent upon doing their duty than upon receiving their reward-men who are more solicitous  for principle than for promotion.

So I need to focus on my duty, my kids!

Pg. 17: While the shepherds were watching their flocks on the hills of Bethlehem, angels from heaven visited them. So today while the humble worker for God is following His employment, angels of God stand by his, listening to his words, nothing the manner in which his work is done, to see if larger responsibilities may be entrusted to his hands.

Angels are next to me, watching how I perform with the responsibilities God has already given me. I pray that every moment, every second God will give me guidance and help to perform my duties in a way pleasing to Him. And let me tell you, my kids test my limits! Every reaction to them needs to be led by God. I cannot do it on my own. And I fail so often!

Pg 18,19 talks about Plans for the Future. A Christian life is a pilgrim life. It is not for us to shape our future. As we commit our ways to Him, he will direct our paths. God never leads His children otherwise than they would choose to be led, if they could see the end from the beginning and discern the glory of the purpose which they are fulfilling as co-workers with Him. Let God plan for you. As a little child, trust to the guidance of Him who will "keep the feet of His saints." 1 Samuel 2:9

What a promise! But it is still hard to trust and wait.

At church this last week during praise and prayer request time, I had a request for prayer for direction when we are done here. After I said that, I realized I don't need direction. I need patience and faith! God knows where we will be going after this. He has a place in mind for us. He just hasn't let us know yet! So I need patience and faith for His timing. I still struggle with anxiety and uncertainty, so please pray for me! Faith and patience are hard things to acquire. Only with God's help.

I pray that this will bless you as it has me!

PS- I still want to travel! Short term mission trips would be great!